Why You Should Sign Up for Office Hours (And Why Most of You Shouldn’t)

You do not need another PR shop.

You need someone in the thread while you do the work.

That sentence is going to make half of you close this tab. Good. The other half has already paid for the first version. The first version was a monthly invoice, a recap with no URLs, and a Slack channel that belonged to them, not you.

Office hours is the opposite of that.

Two thousand dollars a month. I add you to my Slack. We build the campaigns together. You draft. I mark it up. You send. We look at what filed. Then we do the next one.

I do not disappear into a “we’re working our relationships” fog.

I also do not file a floor while you watch from the stands. That product already exists. It has a number in writing and a refund if I miss. Different page. Different job.

This page is me, sitting next to you, until the machine is in your hands.

Look. You already bought the other thing.

I can describe your last twelve months without knowing your logo.

You hired a person, or a shop, or a “fractional comms lead.”

They sent a deck.

They sent a list of outlets you had heard of.

They sent a recap you could not audit.

When you asked which journalist they were actually talking to, you got a vibe. When you asked for a live URL with your name in the body, you got next month.

Meanwhile you were googling how to pitch at 11 p.m. because you did not trust the recap and you were right not to trust it.

That is not a skill issue on your side. That is a product issue. You bought activity. Activity looks like work. Filing is work.

Office hours exists because I got tired of watching people pay for the first one and then try to learn the second one from threads and templates at midnight.

The missing piece is not another tool.

It is a person who has run the floor, in Slack, while you run it.

What $2,000 actually buys

Not a ticket queue.

Not a community with 400 lurkers and a weekly AMA.

Not a freelancer who blasts 40 emails and ghosts you.

You get me in Slack. You, me, the people who will actually do the work. That’s the channel. If you will not sit in it, do not apply. The product is the Slack.

Week one we pick the site. We write something a desk can file. An original study. A person who can talk. A brief, not a brochure. If we cannot get a fact that survives a second question, we do not pitch. We fix the story. That is the part your last vendor skipped because skipping it still got them paid.

Then you write a pitch. I cut it until a journalist would want to receive it. You send it. You follow up once, like an adult. We look at what came back.

Then we look at what filed. Live URLs. What died. What to try next.

Your team does the work. I am in the thread. The muscle transfers because you are the one hitting send.

That last part is the whole point.

If I hit send for you forever, you did not buy a capability. You rented a pair of hands. Hands leave. Capability stays.

I am not staying forever. Month to month. The point is you can run this without waiting on a foggy retainer after I leave the thread.

Why this is not a retainer with better branding

Retainers sell the month.

Office hours sells the reps.

On a retainer, the shop can have a slow week and still invoice. They can discover in month two that you do not have a story. They can call that a “repositioning.”

In this channel, if the story is thin, I tell you on day two. Because you are sitting there. Because you will see me refuse to let you send mush. Because mush in your name is how you burn a byline, and I do not help people burn bylines for a monthly fee.

You will write worse first drafts than you want to admit. I will mark them up. You will hate some of the cuts. You will send the short version anyway, because the long version is how you already lost.

That is coaching. It is also the work.

If you wanted me to “just handle it and send a report,” you are on the wrong page. Go buy a floor. Five, ten, or twenty qualifying placements. Ninety days. Money back if I miss. That is a product for people who want inventory, not a lesson.

If you wanted a cheap person to spray your list, you are also on the wrong page. Spray is how you get ignored. I will not sit in Slack and watch you spray.

If you are shopping this against three retainers to compare “deliverables,” stop. This is not a retainer. There is no slide. There is a channel and a week of actual campaigns.

The honest reason the application exists

I do not take everyone. That is not a funnel trick. That is self-preservation.

This only works if you will do the work.

Drafts. Pitches. Follow-ups. Sitting in the channel when I ask a second question about your fact.

If you want to pay $2,000 so you can feel like you have a PR person, you will be a bad client and I will be a bad use of your money. I would rather tell you no.

If it is a fit, you get a Slack invite and we start.

If it is not, I say so. I would rather tell you no than take $2,000 to ghost you. You have already paid people to ghost you. I will not be next.

Tell me who you are. I will decide if we work.

Apply if this is you

You are a founder or an in-house marketer who is done buying fog.

You are an agency that wants a newsroom brain on the account, in Slack, not on a slide. You will resell the muscle. You will not pretend I am your full-time staff in a pitch deck to a client I have never met. We can be adults about white label. We cannot be adults about you disappearing and hoping I carry a ghost.

You will sit in the channel.

You want digital PR and earned media you can run after I leave.

You have at least one human who can go on the record. You have, or you are willing to build, a fact a reporter can poke.

You can live with month to month. No annual “commitment” theater. If it is not working, you leave. If it is working, you stay until the machine is yours.

Don’t apply if this is you

You want me to handle it and mail you a PDF.

You will not get in Slack. Then we do not have a product.

You want forty emails sent while you watch Netflix and call it a campaign.

You need WSJ on Friday and you have no story. I will not spend your second thousand dollars pretending that is a strategy.

You want to compare retainers. This will lose a spreadsheet bake-off because I will not fake a deliverables column. The deliverable is you, better, in public.

You want a community. Go join one. I am not hosting a town square. I am sitting next to a small number of people who will actually send the mail.

If any of those are you, good. You just saved $2,000 and a month of pretending.

What week one feels like if you are a fit

You think you need a media list.

You need a site and a sentence.

We pick the publication neighborhood. Then we pick the human with the deadline. Then we write what that human can file. Not your feature list. A change in the world their reader already cares about.

If you do not have original data, we find another handle. A person who can talk. A number you can defend. A customer with a last name.

You will want to skip to outreach. Everyone wants to skip to outreach. Outreach with a thin story is how you teach journalists to ignore you. We do not skip.

Then you write the pitch. I cut it to something a stranger would open. You will try to sneak the product back into line 1. I will take it out. You will send the short one.

Then we wait like adults. We follow up once. We do not “bump this” six times.

Then we look at the board. What filed. What died. Why.

That loop is the product. Tools do not give you the loop. Recaps fake the loop. The loop only exists if you are in it.

By week three you should be faster. Not because I typed faster. Because you stopped writing novels and started writing handles.

By the time you leave, you should be able to run the next campaign without asking me what a second question is. If you cannot, we did not do office hours. We did paid hanging out. I will not let it be paid hanging out.

Why $2,000 and not “whatever the market will bear”

A serious retainer in this category is often more, for less contact, with more theater.

I am not cheaper because I am less useful. I am priced like a month of sitting next to you, not like a department.

You can do the math against your last shop. Add up the months you paid before you saw a live URL with your name in the body. That number is usually uglier than $2,000.

You can also do the math against doing nothing. Doing nothing is how ChatGPT keeps naming your competitor. Doing nothing is how your buyer Googles you at 11 p.m. and finds your homepage and a directory you forgot you paid for.

Office hours will not magically put you in the model. Filing will. Office hours is how you learn to file without renting a fog machine.

Month to month so you are not trapped. If I am not useful, you should leave. If you need a contract to stay, the work is not working.

The thing agencies get that founders sometimes miss

Founders want the logo.

Agencies want a brain they can put on more than one account without hiring a newsroom.

If you run a shop, this is how you stop selling retainers you cannot staff. You sit in the channel. You learn the motion. You take it to the next client. You stop promising WSJ on a story that will not file.

I will not be your secret employee. Your client can know there is a newsroom brain in the thread, or they can know you have a process. What they cannot get is you pretending a recap is a newsroom.

If you need placements with a number in writing for a client who will not do the work, buy them a floor. Do not shove a lazy client into office hours and hope I drag them. I will not drag them. I will tell you the client is not a fit.

Two products. Two jobs. Do not mix them to make a proposal look fuller.

What I will not pretend in the channel

I cannot make a reporter say yes.

I cannot turn a feature list into news by adding adjectives.

I cannot sit through seven approvers and still hit a daily’s clock.

I can tell you the story is dead before you burn the list.

I can cut the pitch until it is 150 words and actually about their desk.

I can make you follow up once and then leave people alone.

I can look at what filed and say “again” or “different handle.”

I can keep you from confusing a wire dump with earned.

That is a lot. It is not magic. If you need magic, there is a very large industry ready to invoice you for it.

A picture of the Slack, because you will ask

It is not pretty.

There will be a draft. I will leave comments that feel like I hate your baby. I do not hate your baby. I hate line 1 that starts with your company name.

There will be a reporter’s name. You will want to add four more “while we’re at it.” We will not. One human. One fact. One send.

There will be a day where nothing files. We will not have a two-hour retro about feelings. We will look at the sentence and the desk and decide if the story is the suspect.

There will be a day something files. You get the URL. You send it to a buyer or a client the same day. Then we do not throw a parade. We do the next one. Inventory is a habit.

If that picture bores you, you wanted a kickoff. Kickoffs are elsewhere.

The fear that keeps people on retainers

You are afraid that if you have to send the email, it is not “real PR.”

Real PR is the file. Who hit send is not the sacrament.

You are afraid of looking stupid in front of a journalist. You already look like everyone else in their inbox. A short, relevant note is how you look like a person. A kit is how you look like a department that cannot think.

You are afraid $2,000 is a lot for “just Slack.”

You did not say that when the retainer was three times that for a PDF. You said it because this one requires you to work. Things that require you to work always feel more expensive. They are usually the only things that transfer.

You are afraid I will say no to the application.

I might. That is the filter working. A filter that never says no is a cart.

What happens after you apply

You tell me who you are.

I read it.

If we work, you get a Slack invite and we start. Watch that inbox.

If we do not, I say so.

No deck. No “let’s hop on a chemistry call” that is a sales call with better lighting. If I need a call I will ask. Most of the time the application is enough. People who need a call to decide if they will sit in Slack will not sit in Slack.

$2,000 a month. Month to month. You work alongside me.

I’ll get in Slack with you. We build the campaigns together.

If you want the short version

You have already paid for recaps.

You have already googled how to pitch at 11 p.m.

You do not need another tool.

You need reps, in the open, with someone who has run the floor and will not let you send mush.

Two thousand dollars. My Slack. Your drafts. My cuts. Your send. Then the URLs.

If you want me to file while you watch, buy a floor.

If you want to learn the machine so you can run it, apply.

If you want fog, you know where to find it. You have the invoices.

Apply if you will do the work.

Don’t if you won’t.

That is the whole offer.

Apply for office hours.